I relate so badly to needing time absolutely alone. INTJ here. I also find it hard to manage / titrate. Constantly feeling like I thought I could handle more time around others than I really can and somehow am not aware it’s too much until I realize it’s already become way too much!
Hey there, beautifully written and thoughtful, as always. I have to say that for as long as I've known you, I would not have taken you for the I part of INTJ. I recall many times a group of us would have gathered or maybe find each other at some event and then a decision would be made to continue the evening out, usually to dinner. My memory is you were always game to continue the socializing. That's the point where I'd head home, having had as much people time as I could take. I never thought of myself as an introvert b/c once out, I'm social and chatty and engaged, etc. But in recent years, as I've been reading more from people I know/knew from the NYC fashion/media world whom I considered social butterflies but who now say that while they were social butterflies outwardly they really are introverts, I've recognized myself. I always thought it was just that the crowd we ran with was so smart and witty that I could only hold my own for so long before needing to take a break b4 I got caught as not being up to par (kidding not kidding). But I also know that for most of my life, even with a partner, I have preferred to do many things on my own and definitely need alone time. So the learnings about others and myself continue, even in older age.
the learning never stops, or else how fucking bored would we be? i would always have pegged you for an introvert. i recognize the signs. a lot of sensitive and creative people are. it's not so much can you ever turn it on but what does turning it on do to you later? for me, big crowds where i know a lot of people are the worst. (and it needs to be said i like almost all of my colleagues.) it's why i never leaned harder into fashion journalism, because covering the shows is literal torture. just too many decisions to make about how to engage people all fucking day long, when i would rather be in a small room with a vase of flowers and a view. i am an INFJ, actually, which i believe is even weirder.
long story on pubs. will revisit the idea as i go a little further through in this format. it'd need to change quite a lot to become a book, which is fine and doable. i shopped it as a proper book earlier but american publishers wanted corny cliché french countryside porn and my whole point is that is bullshit, even if the countryside is powerful and change-making.
The Mayes’ fantasies replete with a woman finding a local man through construction or cooking., with a local guy as inspiration. Tons of those. Yours is not that. I get it. Since childhood, I have to have a ‘room of my own’, too. Great stuff, Alex.
Linda and I (mom) had a lovely, peaceful visit in this charming little hamlet. Although we did not get to see the Bayeux tapestries, or the WWII US cemetery, we passed our days deciding which cheeses to add to lunch, and other momentous decisions. We loved it.
I relate so badly to needing time absolutely alone. INTJ here. I also find it hard to manage / titrate. Constantly feeling like I thought I could handle more time around others than I really can and somehow am not aware it’s too much until I realize it’s already become way too much!
we introverts had a big moment during confinement. then the world had a mass mental health crisis. not surprised people are thinking about this!
Long visits are hard for many of us and some short ones can go badly, too. People take a lot of energy.
INFJ-T🙋🏻♀️
i don't know which last little hyphenate i am. maybe i should retake the thing.
Give it another twirl. Why not.
Hey there, beautifully written and thoughtful, as always. I have to say that for as long as I've known you, I would not have taken you for the I part of INTJ. I recall many times a group of us would have gathered or maybe find each other at some event and then a decision would be made to continue the evening out, usually to dinner. My memory is you were always game to continue the socializing. That's the point where I'd head home, having had as much people time as I could take. I never thought of myself as an introvert b/c once out, I'm social and chatty and engaged, etc. But in recent years, as I've been reading more from people I know/knew from the NYC fashion/media world whom I considered social butterflies but who now say that while they were social butterflies outwardly they really are introverts, I've recognized myself. I always thought it was just that the crowd we ran with was so smart and witty that I could only hold my own for so long before needing to take a break b4 I got caught as not being up to par (kidding not kidding). But I also know that for most of my life, even with a partner, I have preferred to do many things on my own and definitely need alone time. So the learnings about others and myself continue, even in older age.
the learning never stops, or else how fucking bored would we be? i would always have pegged you for an introvert. i recognize the signs. a lot of sensitive and creative people are. it's not so much can you ever turn it on but what does turning it on do to you later? for me, big crowds where i know a lot of people are the worst. (and it needs to be said i like almost all of my colleagues.) it's why i never leaned harder into fashion journalism, because covering the shows is literal torture. just too many decisions to make about how to engage people all fucking day long, when i would rather be in a small room with a vase of flowers and a view. i am an INFJ, actually, which i believe is even weirder.
I do short spurts and the one beauty of dotage is professing fatigue now readily understood.
Again, love all this.
Are you shopping it around to pubs?
long story on pubs. will revisit the idea as i go a little further through in this format. it'd need to change quite a lot to become a book, which is fine and doable. i shopped it as a proper book earlier but american publishers wanted corny cliché french countryside porn and my whole point is that is bullshit, even if the countryside is powerful and change-making.
The Mayes’ fantasies replete with a woman finding a local man through construction or cooking., with a local guy as inspiration. Tons of those. Yours is not that. I get it. Since childhood, I have to have a ‘room of my own’, too. Great stuff, Alex.
Linda and I (mom) had a lovely, peaceful visit in this charming little hamlet. Although we did not get to see the Bayeux tapestries, or the WWII US cemetery, we passed our days deciding which cheeses to add to lunch, and other momentous decisions. We loved it.
Love your thoughts! Ann